


Green

by shadowfaerieammy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary!Nursey, Pining, Trans Male Character, Trans!Dex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 06:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15724146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowfaerieammy/pseuds/shadowfaerieammy
Summary: Based on the song Green by Cavetown.If Dex could go back and change things, he would, but he can't so this is his only chance.





	Green

_This is erosion_  
_Grinding up rocks with your molars_

Dex wishes he’d done things differently, then he wouldn’t be ducking away to hide whenever he sees a flash of green and curls. He feels himself wearing down from the weight of the walls he bears.

_A big fish swims past your rod_  
_You can’t catch it, it’s far too fast_

It’s been over a year since he last saw Nursey. He knew he’d see him here at Bitty and Jack’s wedding, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready. If Dex is honest with himself, he wishes he could keep running away so he wouldn’t have to face Nursey. But he wouldn’t miss Bitty and Jack’s wedding for this, no matter how much of a coward he is. It doesn’t mean it hurts less.

_Deep hook marks in rubber lips_

The thing Dex remembers most about Nursey is their bite flushed lips. For the longest time, Dex thought it was natural or that Nursey used some sort of lip product to attain that plump reddish look. He didn’t find out until they started sharing a room that Nursey was an anxious mess, hiding the anxiety behind a facade of chill and a lip-biting habit. You have to be close to him late at night or close to an exam to see the shift from ruby to raw. I see your eyes in the flowers I’ll pick a bunch for your room Green and blue to match your pictures Dex never liked photos of himself, especially the old ones from before he came out that his parents refused to throw away, but Nursey made it a goal of theirs to sneak photos of Dex as often as they could. They would share photos of Dex on Snapchat with silly captions and lobster stickers and flower crown filters. Sometimes Dex would even let Nursey convince him to take selfies together. More often than not, Dex would pout in those, but there is one photo saved on Dex’s phone of the two of them smiling brightly, matching flower crowns adorning their heads, and Dex knows he should have deleted it by now but he also knows he won’t.

 _You looked so good in green_  
_I hope you’re well_  
_And you look so good with him_

Nursey is beautiful, as always, when Dex sees them at the after party being held at the happy couple’s house. They’re wearing a green dress, which is a new sight for Dex; Nursey hadn’t been comfortable enough in their skin at Samwell to dress like this. Dex knows because they talked about it on late nights when their only witness was the starry sky. The dress is deep green and loose, flaring at the waist, and a drastic contrast to the red flannel over their shoulders and tied at their waist. Dex recognizes the flannel as his own, one of his clothing articles that went “missing” in his time rooming with Nursey.

Accompanying Nursey is an equally beautiful man. 

_And I’m proud of you still_  
_I miss your perfect teeth_

It is Nursey who approaches him, not the other way around. Dex isn’t brave enough for that.

Nursey’s date is nowhere to be seen.

“Hey Poindexter,” Nursey greets, all nonchalant chill and easy smiles. There was a time when Nursey would drop the facade around Dex, but that time has long since past. Now, they are at a last name basis, meaning they have backtracked to the animosity of their freshman year.

This, coming here, was a mistake, Dex realizes as his heart begins to race and his palms become clammy.

“Hey,” he replies, unable to say their name without a pang in his chest.

_I was too blunt_  
_I hope you feel happy_  
_That’s all I want_

The fight was stupid. From the moment it started, Dex knew he would regret it, but he was too scared to stop himself from firing poisonous barbs through his teeth.

“You’re such a fucking liar, Nurse! We both know you couldn’t give less of a shit about me!”

They both knew it was a lie, actually, but Dex was upset, and he channeled it the only way he knew how: as anger.

“I do care about you,” Nursey shouts, desperate. “It was an accident!”

“You just outed me to the whole fucking team!”

“I didn’t mean to!”

It was raining hard and heavy when the team was wrapping up team breakfast. Nursey knew that Dex’s umbrella had broken and it was too warm out from the late spring end-of-semester weather for Dex to wear his raincoat. Nursey offered him their umbrella because “it’s bad if your binder gets soaked, right?” It was a kind gesture, but the entire team was there in the background looking on.

Nursey never would have offered Dex their only umbrella their freshman year, and therefore it was their progress as friends that caused the downfall of their friendship.

_Mess in the kitchen_  
_I was so disappointed_  
_I guess I got to my head_  
_And I was too young to understand it_

Dex remembers the exact moment he realized he was in love with Nursey. He knew he had a crush, it was obvious from the way Nursey crawled under Dex’s skin so easily and Dex let him, but he hadn’t yet realized that warmth in his chest has overflown.

They were the only two in the house during Thanksgiving Break. Dex stayed so he could get extra hours at his campus job before heading home Thanksgiving morning, then he would be driving back the next morning. Nursey’s family didn’t believe in Thanksgiving, and their moms were on a business trip anyway, so they didn’t see the point in heading home to an empty house. Dex had the sense that Nursey didn’t like their home much, but it wasn’t Dex’s place to comment on it so he never did.

Nursey wanted a grilled cheese. It’s so easy to make that Dex thought it would be safe to leave Nursey alone for two minutes while he ran upstairs to grab Nursey a jacket. They were shivering and they ignored Dex’s comment on it. They brushed him off with an offhand comment about not having a nice fashionable flannel to keep them warm. So Dex, the stubborn asshole he is, went and got Nursey the red flannel he kept on the back of their desk chair.

The fire alarm started blaring while Dex descended the stairs.

The kitchen was full of smoke. Nursey batted at the fire alarm with a dish towel, having forgone the step where you take your smoking pan from the stove.

Dex threw his flannel on a kitchen chair and rushed over to the stove, turning off the burner and moving the pan. He next opened the windows to let the smoke filter out.

“If you don’t filter out the smoke first you’ll get sick!”

“But the beeping was bothering me.”

Dex turned to scold Nursey but stopped when he saw their face, the wrinkle in their carefully crafted chill. He remembered hearing Nursey say that he doesn’t like shrill noises.

“Whatever. I won’t make the mistake of leaving you alone in here again anyway. And put on the damn flannel, it’s cold in here.”

Nursey put on the flannel with a smile, and Dex realized that he doesn’t mind seeing Nursey in his shirts and watching after them in the kitchen. In the beginning, Dex would have yelled at Nursey to get their shit together, not get them a jacket then dedicate himself to watching after them.

In that moment, Dex realized he was fucked.

_I get it now that it’s too late_  
_I never stopped feeling guilty_  
_I’m over it, I promise that_  
_I just gotta sing it out of me_

An apology will never be enough, he knows, but he offers one anyway.

“I’m sorry,” he says, bleeding heart exposed on his sleeve. “You deserved a better friend and I knew I’d never be good enough for you. I’ve never been good enough for anybody.”

“You’ve always been good enough for me.”

“No,” Dex insists, scowling because Nursey always does this, always tries to let things go while the hurt is still stitched into them. “I was never meant to be good for anybody, otherwise I wouldn’t have so many sharp edges. I’ve learned my lesson.”

“And what lesson was that?”

“To never fall in love again.”

_You looked so good in green_  
_I hope you’re well_  
_And you look so good with him_  
_And I’m proud of you still_

The beautiful man who was with Nursey earlier comes up to them and presses a hand down on Nursey’s shoulder. “I’m heading out, Derek. I think I’ve done enough networking for a night. I’ll see you Monday about your manuscript.” He then looks at Dex and smirks before looking back to Nursey. “I hope the plan to make the guy you like jealous worked.” To Dex, he says, “Have a nice night, William,” then he leaves.

“That was my agent,” Nursey says, as if it explains anything. “He came with me to the party so he could meet my friends. He was complaining about needing to finds ways into my head or something.”

Dex steels himself for a fight, because he is not running anymore. “He said himself that that’s not the reason he’s here.”

_Take care of my shirt_  
_Warm and red_

Nursey really does look good in his shirt.

“You knew you would be seeing me, so why are you wearing my flannel?”

Silence answers him, so he tries again.

“You wore my flannel and brought your agent as your date. What game are you playing at?”

_I hope you think of me_  
_Still as your friend_

“I knew if I pissed you off at least you’d talk to me. The Poindexter I remember would always flare up when I picked a fight.”

This is too familiar, too them. Dex easily remembers the fights, bitter and biting at first then shifting to easy and empty later on once they’d learned to find kindness for one another. Warmth floods his cheeks from a confusing mixture of anger and shame that Dex is woefully accustomed to.

“I need to leave.”

Cool fingertips touch Dex’s wrist as he turns to leave, the pressure light. There is no grip; these fingers are not keeping him here.

“I need you to stay.”

And this startles Dex, because never has Nursey told him in no uncertain terms that they needed something from him. Nursey has asked for him to do things, or hinted that they wanted something, but they’ve never stated with full honesty what they needed from Dex. It was a point of contention between them until Dex learned how to interpret Nursey’s words, actions, behaviors. This desperate honesty is what anchors Dex in place.

_I hope you love yourself_

“You’ve learned to be honest with yourself.”

“No, I’ve learned to be honest with you.” Nursey tentatively extends a hand over Dex’s shoulder, brushing it against Dex’s cheek, then pulling back slowly to caress his ear then hair. It has the desired effect of making Dex turn to face them. “Because I’m not going to let my anxiety get in the way of what I want.”

_Your body and heart_

Nursey leans forward slowly, giving Dex time to move away or say no. He’s frozen in place by his shock, and possibly a little by love, so he shuts his eyes and waits.

Cracked lips press gently against Dex’s forehead.

“After the fight I was convinced that you’d never want to talk to me again, because I seriously messed up, and I’m still sorry. But the longer it went on, the worse I felt for not trying harder to fix things. I knew I’d be seeing you here, so I took the chance. And I know this wasn’t the best way to get your attention, but it worked, didn’t it?” Dex hears the smirk in their voice but lets the chirp fade from his lips just this once.

Dex opens his eyes and gets a close-up look of Nursey’s raw-bitten lips hovering near his eyes. He hadn’t realized that Nursey’s boots made them taller than him.

“If you’re gonna have a big speech, you might as well go big,” Dex chirps, before slinging an arm around the back of Nursey’s neck and jerking them downward to meet his lips.

_I hope you feel happy_  
_That’s all I want_


End file.
